10 Commandments of Chinese Banks

The last two days have seen me at two different banks trying to accomplish two separate tasks. Each visit took an hour of just watching the teller check my passport against the computer and stamping a pile of papers. Suffice to say, I got a lot of thinking done during these two trips and here's what I have come up with. The following are 10 Commandments of Chinese Banks that every foreigner should know. The next time you go to the bank write them on your palm or something. They'll make for a good read during the long wait.

1. Thou shalt not be in a hurry. Your number will be called after these twenty people. The matter you should be able to take care of online or on the phone, like reporting a lost card, will take another hour. Embrace it.

2. Thou shalt not act high and mighty. Follow every direction. Don't ask 'why' and do not chat. You exist on their schedule.

3. Thou shalt not forget your passport! You didn't bring it? Unless you only need the ATM, come back tomorrow.

4. Thou shalt have to fill in every form twice. It's your fault for crossing your 7's and not writing Z's like E's. Simply put, you should have grown up in China. Then you'd know whether your surname comes first or last.

5. Speaking of names, thou shalt always write your full passport name. As "fun" as it is to have a Chinese name, it means nothing on official documents. Rule of thumb: use your Chinese name to buy things online and your passport name on the card you use to pay.

6. Thou shalt not lose your card. Along with your card, you shalt not change any of the original information. Noncompliance in this will result in at least one meaningless trip to a bank which may or may not be the right branch at which to complete the said transaction. 

7. On a related note, thou shalt not move. Do not change locations in China, and if you do, stay within one province. All changes will have to be done in the original province. Plus for every transaction--EVERY TRANSACTION--you will be charged an out of city fee.

Internet banking

8. Thou shalt not expect convenience. Yes, Internet banking should be quick and worry-free. No, China does not agree. You still have a dozen little steps to go through online, the equivalent of all that wasted paper on site. 

9. Thou shalt make all necessary changes in person. "Why can't I just change my current address online?" You ask. See commandments 2, 6, 7, 8, and while you're at it, 3.

10. Your life abroad doesn't consist of taxes, work, loans or mortgages. Therefore, once or twice a year something big will take you to a Chinese bank. This is the universe's way of saying everyone has to pay their dues. Follow commandment 1 and you'll be fine.

One Assassination, Two Reactions

On Wednesday, Tunisia's MP, Mohammed Brahmi, was gunned down outside his home in the middle of the morning. This is Tunisia's second assassination in the last sixth months, when Chokri Belaid was killed in February. In all of the small Mediterranean country's independent history, they have never seen the likes of such acts. Furthermore, since 2011's Arab Spring revolution started in Tunisia, the question remains as to whether this will mean instability and insecurity in the long-run. With a population of only around 10 million people, it is no understatement that everyone is concerned about the future of their otherwise prosperous, liberal, and thriving country. 

On Thursday evening, DA3 (pronounced "Daa") got a phone call from a friend at home telling him the news. His whole demeanor changed. He was immediately affected and spent the rest of the evening watching online broadcasts announcing the assassination and the subsequent demonstrations. "Something really terrible has happened in my country today," he said despondently. "You have no idea how badly I wish I were there now." 

I watched him in silence trying to feel some of what he felt. I couldn't put my finger on the right emotion, though. Is it a form of patriotism? I asked myself. Is it that he felt he knew this politician since it's such a small country and he's so passionate about politics in general? Does he have a personal stake in this? 

"Our economy is really fragile. Right now it's tourist season, but something like this could make foreigners stay away. Something like this could end our economy like that!" He exclaimed. 

His speech turned to the opposition party and the various parliament members, as well as all the civilians who were opposed to the different factions and parties trying to get their say. I was starting to feel lost in it all. And that's when it hit me. Out of all the political assassinations and attempts since Lincoln and Kennedy, as well as all the school shootings, the Boston marathon and other bombings, 911 etc...I, as an American, should be the most sympathetic to this new turn of events in DA3's motherland. It's not simply a matter of killer and victim, which is tragic enough, but also of what kind of environment can lead to such decision-making. Moreover, it's a question still shrouded in mystery. 

Is it our post-modern world that has got us actually anticipating that something bad is going to happen whenever we change a law or drop our kids off at school? Now that Tunisia has stepped past one stage of self-government, does that mean that its next stage cannot be a well-paved transition rather than a pot-hole strewn path of conflict? While we all hate hearing about such tragedies, is it possible that my reaction was one typical of a citizen coming from a big, powerful country where I myself don't feel like I hold a large stake in its operation or ideals? Because, to be honest, DA3's reaction floored me. How could it be so personal?

Please don't think me insensitive. As I watch DA3 deal with the aftermath--the possible dissolving of parliament, the funeral for their new martyr (which DA3's brother attended), as we listen to Tunisia's national songs on the radio--my heart breaks for him. He just wants to see the place he cares about so much, his home, become a place fit to build a life, career, and family. Unfortunately, at the moment it's more beneficial for him to be abroad. One cannot turn a blind eye to that. Yet I still recognize this as one of our differences, this fact that I would only ever personalize to such an extent a death in the family or of a close friend. I just assume (and this may be a result of cultural background, religious orientation, personality, or a combination of it all) that life will go on not so differently from before. Let it be just me, though, that willingly keeps my naïveté. Perhaps it's good to have someone like DA3 in your life to react strongly to news seemingly outside the personal fault lines. Someone's gotta care, right?

Exploring China Competition: Round 3, Qingdao (Nationals!)

After a three day break, Northeast Normal University's Exploring China team was off to their next destination: Qingdao--Nationals. Qingdao is in Shandong province, a few provinces south of Jilin, which meant we got to fly! After some delay, and a long bus ride from the airport, we arrived in our hotel only to find our rivals, Yanbian University, had arrived at the same time. They, however, had started out one day before us and had taken a boat from Dalian to Qingdao!

 

 

 

 

Practicing for our entrance at the following morning's Opening Ceremony

 

 

Let the games (and the tanning) begin! Qingdao's weather gets us off to a great start. Our basketball team persevered through to the top eight.

 

 

The victory wasn't without some side effects, however. These boys are beat!

 

 

I'm just here for the soft floor

 

 

Tavj and Kate also came to play!

 

 

 

 

But the next day....

 

 

 

After being led to the wrong courts by our "guide," Day 2 of the basketball tournament was off to a bad start. By the end of this particular game, both Liaoning (who we had met back in Yanji the week before) and us decided to virtually stop the game and just do trick shots. We saw some good slam dunks and perfectly aligned 3-pointers, but in the end, Liaoning stayed one point ahead, leaving us in last place.

 

 

Stopping traffic with their Loser Faces. We still love you guys!

 

 

Our "guide," who Chew Laoshi ( wearing visor) made cry for taking us to the wrong place for basketball.

 

 

Part encouragement and part condolence dinner in a Qing-style banquet hall hosted by our university's leaders who had come to watch us compete.

 

 

Finally, the ocean!

 

 

Auzz-Rook, me, and Dashka (her first time seeing the sea)

 

 

Speedboat ride in the bay

 

 

I saw the Samoans from another university jump in and I just couldn't resist!

 

 

My first Chinese celebrity sighting! Ji Xiaojun, from CCTV English

 

 

The whole CCTV crew!

 

 

We finished in Qingdao 20th place or so out of 28 teams. For my own part, I got 6th place in the individual performances. I considered it a personal victory, and it encouraged me even more that the two girls from the top four also stopped to chat with me. Unfortunately, the points from the performances did not amount to much compared to the basketball and orienteering scores. All in all, though, it was great meeting other foreign students (fellow countrymen and others alike) studying in other parts of China. It was also great fun getting to know my own teammates!

 



Exploring China: Round 2, Yanji Again



Here goes part 2 of the "Exploring China" series. We went back to Yanji just three weeks after the first round. The first time we went, we took two teams (and were the only school to do so). True to fashion, the powers-that-be decided to cut the second team, although they had rightfully made it into the second round. We also got a new addition, our star basketball player, Auzz-Rook.

 

 

 

Power to Auzz!

 

 

The boys, minus our Chinese teammate, Jason

 

 

The girls, minus our American teammate, Me

 

 

My roommate, Dashka (Mongolia), and I trying to point to each other's flags

 

 

3-3 Basketball match...a little behind in our first game, but we caught up!

 

 

Dongbei and Liaoning--If only we had been able to play these during the basketball tournament!

 

 

Number 1 team. Look at how smug they are!

 

 

What they forgot to mention above was how much pain they were all in. The top three teams all sustained pretty serious injuries. The American from Yanbian's team even broke his knee.

 

 

 

Meanwhile...

 

 

I went to visit my old school and found my little buddies all grown up!

 

 

They still remembered me! The girl on my left gasped when I came in the room. Jenny probably never thought she'd see Lehyla Teacher again, nor did Lehyla Teacher think she'd ever be happy to see Jenny again haha! *sigh* It's a good thing people grow up, teachers included.

 

 

My old classroom has been turned into the storage room, which made me a little disappointed until I saw...

 

They haven't taken a thing down from the walls since I was there! There's the American map and all of my student contracts!

 

 

These kids are just as big as me!

 

 

 

 

Finally, however, the last day of the competition arrived.

 

 

Zhuan Li and Lena getting ready for the Orienteering. The mood was somber since the night before (and I don't care that I'm sharing this pubicly, China) the top three teams were given the map of the course by their coaches, who got it from the hosts. How would you feel, knowing that without these points you'd probably lose, but that to get the points you needed to cheat? Now let me put it in context. How would you feel after being shown the course without knowing it was for the purpose of cheating until it was too late? That is China.

 

 

Since everyone else was getting all "patri-mental," I decided to do my part, too.

 

 

After it all, it's time for some fun! Suri-Nico, me, and Auzz-Rook. They're so tall!

 

 

Ol' stone Josun and I

 

I should have been born a cartoon

 



So we passed Round 2 as cheaters by world standards, as strategists by China's standards, and as opportunists by all. Three days later we were on to the national competition in Qingdao, Shandong province.

Exploring China Competition: Round 1, Yanji



Rain and pain. Rain and pain. That's all today turned out to be. So in a bid to send off the day on a happier note, I'm going to post some long overdue photos from the recent competition in which I participated. The event is called 留动中国, or Exploring China. Foreign students compete in 3-3 basketball, traditional Chinese sports, individual and group performances, and finally, orienteering. The first round took us to my old city, Yanji, where I got to see my good friends and, in the process, got to show some of my Changchun friends around the city, too!  

 

 

 



 

On the overnight train to Yanji. (Cue Suri-Nico: "My grandmother could walk faster than this train!")

 

 

Chu Laoshi (a.k.a. Mr. "Chew" because, as is depicted, he's always chewing us out for something!)

 

Shady Girls: Ce Ma (Mongolia) and I

 

 

Oh, now he smiles!

 

Suri-Nico giving Jilin University a taste of his b-ball skills

 

 

Lena (Russia) and her mad Tai-chi abilities. She got 4th!

 

 

Look who came to watch me sing! Nice to see you again, Cui!

 

 

"Hey, Mickey! You're so fine!" Our "la la dui" (cheerleading) team for the group performance.

Home: Past, Present, and Future

Chinese people can sleep anywhere. There's the driver who strings up a hammock on his bus in the summertime. A different, but just as innovative driver, has a cot complete with blankets laid out in one of his charter bus' luggage bins. There are the plethora of groundskeepers, men and women, who stake out benches and shady patches of grass for their midday naps. Students carry mats around with them to spread across desks, cafeteria tables, and McDonald's booths for quick breaks between studying. This is not to mention those people seen sprawling from their cars' open doors and windows, or balanced on top of their motorcycles and bicycles that one can see on any given day on any given street. Chinese people can sleep anywhere.

I recently finished the book 1421: The Year China Discovered the World. The author, Gavin Menzies, lays out his research proving that prior to all of the major European navigational discoveries, the Chinese had already charted the course and had left just enough behind to be followed by the Portugese and Spanish years later. 

As I read this book many thoughts come to mind. Without dwelling on matters significantly larger than me for too long, I will just mention that overall I am disappointed to learn these things about China. The amazing technology and knowledge that had already been developed by the time they commenced their voyage, as well the later decision to destroy all record of the trip simultaneously points out China's greatest attribute and its biggest flaw. Such attitudes can still be seen today, in my opinion. Just look at the way English is propagated, studied, taught, and used. But again, I don't need to dwell. 

The other thing that made a big impression on me from the book was the DNA evidence that has been found in places like the west coasts of the Americas and the east coast of Australia that shows Chinese people from the great voyages of 1421 settled and eventually intermingled with the locals. Some of these colonists had been shipwrecked, while others, probably for more practical reasons like raising crops, stayed on to build lives. Most likely, these people believed that they were the beginning of a new era of Chinese colonization whereby given some time, more ships and more people would be brought to the new lands, and those who wanted to return to China could go back with the new ships. When two years had brought the surviving ships back to Beijing, however, they found that their government had changed and that their discoveries had been made void. The new regime wanted nothing more to do with the outside. This left an unknowing and significant number of people on opposite ends of the earth waiting and wondering when they'd ever see their homeland again.

Let me rephrase my original thesis; Chinese people can live anywhere. The question is, can I? I've moved around a lot. My friends move around a lot. Just recently, one of my best friends left Changchun for good. At the same time, I am becoming better and better friends with someone who goes to a different university than me, meaning that I end up spending a lot of time away from "home." Sometimes it feels like because I let in a place or a person, I let go of some of my independence and forget where home is. So every day I have to find my center, my heart, and make sure it's there beating for the present moment, sending blood to the brain, signaling me to make a move and put down roots. This is a choice based on need, want, and self-awareness--in other words, a decision that only an independent entity could come to.

At the end of the day, the Chinese didn't stay on their ships forever. In the process, they changed the scope of our earth's environment. It wasn't a choice that all of them made willingly, I'm sure, but sometimes a person just needs what they need. If that's a nap on the sidewalk or under an overhead pass, then what should stop you? You'll wake up and keep working at the rest of the things you need for life. After all, the heart of the matter is you and the home you have inside yourself. 

At the Hospital

I've been going to the hospital nearly every day for over a week. As I recently discovered that my student, Isabelle's, dad is a chiropractor, I decided to take him up on his offer for some neck treatments. I usually have a pretty stiff neck and sometimes the pain will become very acute on one side so that turning my head becomes a problem. Usually after a week or two the problem just goes away on its own. 

This time I decided to take the matter to Isabelle's dad. During the first examination they took an x-ray that showed some flattened spinal disks. To correct this, I was put into a straight-backed chair, had a noose-like contraption strapped around my head, and then my head was lifted by some mechanical attachment. Those who saw me said my head was visibly crooked. I, for one, had entered into a mediation of sorts and couldn't maneuver myself into coherence anyway. After twenty minutes of head pulling, I got a massage. 

After three days of massages my muscles felt loose and relaxed, but my neck pain had gotten decidedly worse. Isabelle's mom said its because my disks are being reshaped and aren't used to the position. That very well could be, I think, but I'd just like to be able to sleep at night again. 

 

So began the electrical massages and the injections. Although an electric pulse has a surprisingly life-like touch, I continue to feel terribly stiff afterwards. I can't tell if the hormone injections are supposed to work immediately or what. As far as I can tell, an IV hookup is a last resort, but also practically inevitable in Chinese hospitals. There goes three hours every day. 

 

The thing they try that I receive the most relief from is ba gua, the fire cups. This is where they take a bulbous glass, stick a burning cotton ball in it for a second, and then suck it onto your skin, thereby creating a big circular hickie. The darker the color when they pop it off, the more toxins were being released from that area. I leave the hospital peppered with black dots for a few days, but it does release a lot of the built up tension from my neck and shoulders. 

Finally, the last few days it has gotten to the point where we've had to do acupuncture. Since its my nerves I'm pretty sure that are the problem, the threadlike needles really make an impact. I can sense the needle's presence on a very deep level. My shoulder socket, especially, cringes even before they start the antibacterial swab. After the needles go in, they hook up an electrical current and proceed to send charged particles down the needle sticks into those molecules of mine running adjacent to them. To complete the effect, they set a heating lamp over the process. Day after day of this, I sit there and can only hope that somewhere in some deep tissue one little molecule has had enough. I hope he stands up before his compatriots and begins the struggle to straighten things out, put things back where they belong, and get back to living. Please, little Molecule. Your motherland is waiting.